July 22, 2013

What about me?

I have been looking for a full time job for the last six months or so.  It's been a... frustrating process to say the least.  Look, and look and look and hand out my resume and look some more, a few interviews, look some more, looking, apply for a few jobs, get an interview, continue on looking. 

After a while I ran out of ideas and out of steam.  I watched my facebook newsfeed popping up with posts of "I'm looking for a job", soon followed by "I had an interview and they hired me!"  I felt like I was sitting in the back row of  a classroom, waving my hand and saying "Um, God? What about me?  I'm looking for a job too!"  I kept waving and trying to get His attention, trying to ask Him if I was headed in at least sort of the right direction.  There was nothing, and it seemed like God had forgotten that I was trying to find a job too.

As this continued on, I stopped waving and started thinking a little more.  Maybe God was answering me by not answering me... and I began to wonder if finding a full time job was really what I was supposed to be doing right now.  A friend of mine shared something her (very wise) mother said to her on her facebook wall: "Maybe God isn't telling you where to go because He wants you to be still."  So I tried to be still, and I tried to look around and figure out if there was something that I was missing.

The idea of going back to school and getting an associates degree had been brought of once in a while over the past few months, but I brushed it off because I thought what I needed was a full time job so I could save up for a car and a life and a future.  One of my mom's friends works for the local junior college and she kept telling us that we needed to come in and see what grant money we could get and take some classes.  My mom checked into it, and saw that if my sister and I both signed up we could get a pretty decent amount of grant money to cover tuition.  Still, I pushed it off for "later to fit in once I have a job."

I was becoming increasingly frustrated and worried about what was going to happen with my future.  My Knight in his wisdom suggested I pray a St. Therese novena since she's helped us out before.  I grumpily responded that I didn't even know what to ask for... but after a helpful period of adoration, I figured something out and am in the process of following his advice.  

Right now... I think I have an idea of what God wants me to do, and why He hasn't helped me to find a full time job yet.  I won't tell you yet, because I don't like telling people things before they are certain and then having to go back and say, "You know what I said that one time?  Well forget it because never mind."

I suppose the moral of this story is... if it seems like you've been jumping up and down for a long time and making yourself hoarse by shouting "God!  Hello God!  What about me? I'm still here!"  maybe you should stop shouting and figure out why God isn't answering you as fast or in the way you think He should be.  Maybe there is another option out there that He wants you to consider instead.

2 comments:

  1. I always love your posts, Amanda :)

    ReplyDelete

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