April 3, 2008

Civil War All Stars

This is rather humorous Civil War-Baseball analogy that I found a while back on this website. Sorry, if you know nothing of Civil War, it won't be funny - but perhaps it will inspire you to look in to this period in history. (Knowledge of baseball is of less importance.) So without further ado...
Civil War All Stars!
Union All Stars

Manager - U.S. Grant. Has good success with the two-platoon system; has developed well-balanced team. Possibly a bit lax in enforcing training rules.

First Base-"Cump" Sherman. Watch this boy burn up the base paths. Reminds old timers of the "Georgia Peach" Good at digging them out of the dirt; consistent hitter. Not popular with all fans.

Second Base - George Meade. Good pivot man. Team captain. Always dangerous at the plate. Would attract more attention with a favorable press.

Third Base -"Fighting Joe" Hooker. Whiffs a lot since he was beaned at Chancellorsville. Plenty of natural ability; sometimes clutches under pressure. Good power, but a sucker for an outside curve.

Shortstop - "Phil" Sheridan. Larcenous base runner. Able to go from either side. Real sparkplug of team's offense. Dangerous in the clutch.

Right Field - "Speedy" Burnside. a real "wall climber," which led to injuries last season at Fredericksburg. Has developed a rifle arm. Led the league in strike-outs last season.

Center Field - Jim Wilson. One of the least publicized players in the league. A strong arm and plenty of speed. A good pull hitter. Candidate for rookie of the year.

Left Field - George McClellan. Plenty of natural ability, but slow on the base paths. Probably brought up from the minors too soon.

Catcher-"Rocky" Thomas. Real key to team defense. Good arm; plenty of power. Base runners don't take chances with this one.

Pitcher -"Win" Hancock. Fireballer; tough with runners on base. The best of a weak staff.

Pitcher - Bill Rosecrans. Has good stuff, but experiences difficulty staying ahead of the batter.

Pitcher - "Chief" Custer. Rookie of the year his first full season in the majors. Hasn't been the same since the last series with the Indians!

Middle Relief-"Come to Papa" John Buford. Good with the changeup, continually has batters chasing the Seminary Sinker Ball, a favorite of his.

Closer- Joshua Chamberlain. Calls his overpowering fast ball the swinging gate. Been known to use the inside portion of the plate with great advantage, some cases beaning opposing hitters.

Confederate All Stars

Manager - Robert E. Lee. Aggressive; not afraid to take risks. Lee gets along well with both the players and the front office, but who was it that said "Nice guys don't finish first?"

First Base - "Frenchie" Beauregard. Slick fielder. Has tendency to swing at bad pitches. Has never quite lived up to preseason notices.

Second Base - "Joe Johnston. Good field, no hit. Can make the double play. Has been peddled to several clubs because of his uncertain temperament.

Third Base - "Texas John" Hood. Good at the hot corner; hangs tough at the plate. Provides plenty of batting muscle when not on disabled list.

Shortstop - "Jeb" Stuart. Can play any position, best at short. Good range, often hits for the circuit. A real crowd pleaser.

Right Field - "Ranger" Mosby. Hits well to all fields; excels at hit and run. Really shines when playing in his own field.

Center Field - "Wizard" Forrest. A tough competitor. Covers lots of ground in center. Can hit the long ball. An umpire baiter.

Left Field - "Bill" Hardee. A real student of the game. Dangerous at the plate. One of the most underrated players in either league.

Catcher - "Pete" Longstreet. A steady influence. Plenty of power at the plate a tough competitor and a good pull hitter. Seems to have trouble hitting in Yankee Stadium.

Pitcher - "Stonewall" Jackson. Best righthander in the league. Blazing fast ball. Uses dust-off pitches. Can usually go the route. Chances for a successful year may well rest on Jackson's arm.

Pitcher - "Brax" Bragg. Control pitcher; good for a couple of innings. Would probably work better on a different club.

Pitcher - A. S. "Mormon" Johnston. Master of the curve ball, but sometimes has trouble with control.

Middle Relief - A.P."Red" Hill. Good set-up man when his temper doesn't get in his way. Refuses to pitch when Longstreet is catching. Sometimes feuds with other pitchers.

Closer - "Baldy Ewell" Capable fast baller. Has trouble reading signals, sometimes has problems with power hitters.


  1. very funny! "laughs" =)

  2. Baseball and the Civil War!!! Two things I just love. It was quite funny too, and timely too (baseball season just started, I'm reading Killer Angels, so...yeah...)

    Thanks for the post, Amanda. I really enjoyed it!!

  3. Sorry to post again (w/o comment), but I wanted to try something.

    Did Papa Ben show up?


    ~Jo March

  4. I love it! :) I'm sure my dad will get a kick out of it. lol

  5. It was funny. Espesially when it said that Hill refused to pitch with Longstreet catching :) (Even though I am not a big fan of the Confederates).

  6. Thanks for the smile Amanda! ;-)
    See you tomorrow!
    BTW, I won't be Veronica any more, or Blanche or Little Bear or even Miss Fishy...my lovely siblings have deemed be "Strawberry"
    Yep, that's what were doing tomorrow! =)

  7. Paul, I thought you'd like it!

    Miss March - Papa Ben? LOL, I hadn't realized that baseball season just started. Quite timely!

    My Dear Miss Blanche Fishy - I REFUSE to call you Strawberry! BTW, you'd better be around to hear my speech. (Unlike last year.) I am reciting "Green Eggs and Ham." %)

  8. Catholic├časeballFanApril 5, 2008 at 10:10 AM

    It's more funny if you follow baseball I think. Funny how the NY Yankees have a awesome relief pitcher named Joshua Chamberlain, but everyone calls him Joba for short.

  9. catholicBaseballfan:

    That is really neat! I didn't know that. Especially appropriate since Joshua Chamberlain was fighting for the Union (the Yanks) and not the Confederates.

    But you probably already realized that. =)

    God bless!

    ~Jo March

  10. Amanda,

    Never mind about Papa Ben (Pope Benedict XVI) I was just trying something, but I don't think it worked.



  11. I thought that this song was apropriate:

    "Take me out to the ball game; Take me out to the croud. Buy me some penuts and Craker Jack; I Don't care if I never come back, Let me root, root, root for the White Sox; If they don't win its a shame, For its one, two, three and your out at the old ball game."

  12. check out the civil war activities at the black road library this weekend


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