Let Me Be Loved: Words of Affirmation

Words of Affirmation is another difficult love language - it is at the same time one of the easiest to give and one of the hardest.  We speak so many words throughout the day, it is easy to overlook the fact that to some of us, words have an incredible power that can make or break our hearts.  To help understand this love language, Claire B. and Rachel Harrell graciously offered to share their thoughts on their love language, Words of Affirmation.

“I'm telling you this for one reason and one reason only: No matter how sure you are of someone's love, it's always nice to hear it.”― Mike Gayle, Turning Thirty

What are some of the ways that you personally feel loved?

Claire B:  When people praise my good qualities, when people notice that I make effort in my relationship with them, when people tell me they love me, when people acknowledge/return the words of affirmation that I give them.

Rachel H: When Alex [my boyfriend] writes me a letter, I lose it. I love handwritten letters. I love those subtweets that he makes. I love those mushy instagram posts, and facebook statuses when he proclaims to the rest of the world how lucky he is to have me. I love that. I love when he tells me that I am beautiful even when my hair is frizzy. I love it when he tells me about the time he first saw me at our friend’s graduation party because he describes it perfectly and helps me relive that night in my memory.

What are some challenges you face, and ways you struggle to feel loved?

Claire B: That not all of my loved ones understand how important communication is to me. That some people feel uncomfortable with being praised, or with sharing their genuine feelings with others and about others.

Rachel H: Sometimes not all men have a way with words. So when they do try praising you, you grit your teeth and smile because to you it just sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard. Like that one nickname you absolutely cannot BEAR to hear. {for me it’s “baby girl”}

As a speaker of this love language, how do you show love through Words of Affirmation?

Claire B: For me, I love to send people random messages expressing my gratitude for them. It might be a novella of warm-fuzzies to a best friend, or a simple, “I am so grateful to have you in my life,” to a newfound companion. And don’t forget the random “I love you”s!

Rachel H: We love words. We will write you letters, songs, poems, blog posts, facebook messages, tweets, ANYTHING. We will most certainly

Do you have any advice on how to make a Words person feel loved?

Claire B: A one line exclamation of your appreciation is enough! It doesn’t have to be long and sappy (of course, those are great too). Sharing with a person that you notice how hard they try or how much work they put into something is so important. We all have people we love - be it friends, family, or a significant other - let’s appreciate them!

Rachel H: The obvious answer is to use your words...but there is so much more to it than that. You have to use the RIGHT words. You can’t just say anything to make us feel better. But you also don’t have to tell us what we want to hear. You just have to tell us that. Remember as well, you can’t just tell us something and then not follow through with it. You have to tell us we are gorgeous in the way we want to hear and then follow up with those cute gazes.

“Here is little habit that can make a big difference. Send sunbeams. Intentionally send a word of encouragement or appreciation every day to one person.” ― Steve Goodier

Want to read more?
Let Me Be Loved: Introduction
Let Me Be Loved: Acts of Service