I am not entirely certain how old I was when I wrote this... I vaguely recall typing it up and I'm pretty sure it was in the 11-13yr old time frame. My mom was going through old boxes of school work and came across it. We were all quite entertained, and I thought it would make a good Throwback Thursday!
Once upon a time, there lived a pig named Bacon Hood. He was
a very brave little pig, and once he saved Prince Boar from a terrible fire and
was made an outlaw. Now it may seem rather odd that he was made an outlaw
because of this, but P.B., as he was referred to, hated Bacon Hood and didn’t
want to feel grateful to him. So P.B.
and Jay (Jay was Prince Boar’s faithful turkey) got together and thought of a
plan so that they wouldn’t have to thank him. Finally they decided on the story
that Bacon Hood had set fire to trap P.B. and then didn’t want to get in
trouble with the Sheriff of YummyHam and decided to save him instead. Now this
was not true, of course, but that is what they said, so Bacon Hood was made an
outlaw.
Bacon Hood walked slowly into Pigwood forest and sat down on
a log to think. He said, “Well I’m an Outlaw and that’s that. I suppose that
since I am an outlaw, I must act like one. Let’s see, outlaws must have a band
of merry swine and rob from the Pigs to feed to the Swine.” (The upper class, as
you know, were called Pigs and the lower class was called Swine, whether they
were or not, if you get my meaning). “Pity,” he said, “I don’t know any outlaws
and I haven’t the faintest notion on how to rob. Well, I suppose I’ll learn
sooner or later.” With that, he set off to find a band of merry swine.
After two days of searching and finally getting hopelessly
lost in the forest, he sat down on a log to think. “Well,” said he, “I’m just
not meant to have a band of merry swine andI am certainly no outlaw. Outlaws
don’t get lost in a forest, and they always have herds of pigs just flocking to
them and begging them to be their leader. Perhaps I am not meant to be an
outlaw king after all.” He sighed, “If that is the case than I don’t know if I
want to be an outlaw.” Just then he heard cries for help. Someone is in trouble! He thought. I must save them! Jumping to his feet, Bacon Hood ran off towards
the cries.
Eventually he reached the edge of the forest and peered out
cautiously. To his surprise, it was P.B. and Jay who were calling for
help. Two pigs dressed in bright red
were robbing them. They must be outlaws,
he thought. They are wearing red, like
me. But outlaws or no, I must help P.B. and Jay. Bacon Hood jumped out of the trees. “Stop!”
he called. “These are my friends, P.B. and Jay. He made me into an outlaw, but
I am a very forgiving pig so I don’t want them to be robbed.” The two pig
outlaws, whose names were Little Chop and Will Sausage, looked at each other,
dropped P.B. and Jay and ran over to Bacon Hood.
“Will you be our leader?” They asked hopefully.
“Of course I will!” Cried Bacon Hood. “I must be meant to be
an outlaw king after all! I will lead you in outlawry and you will be my merry
swine, and we will rob the Pigs to feed the Swine.”
“Yippee!” they cried and ran off into the forest together.
For the next few weeks, Bacon Hood and his merry swine tried
their hand at outlawry. As they later admitted, they weren’t that good. After
an especially disastrous attempt with the Sheriff of YummyHam (which partiall
involved saving P.B. and Jay, again), they held a meeting.
“I say,” said Little Chop, sewing up a rip in his bright red
outfit, “we’re not that good at pick pocketing, are we?”
/Most certainly not,” agreed Will Sausage, examining the cut
in his foot.
Bacon Hood sat silently for a moment, then straightening his
bright red jacket said sadly, “Well, we might as well face it. We are just not
meant to be outlaws. And what’s worse, we’re stuck being outlaws too.”
“What do you mean?” coursed the other two anxiously.
“What I mean is that we can’t go live somewhere else because
our bright red clothes proclaim that we are outlaws, and we can’t buy other
clothes because merchants are forbidden under pain of bacon to sell any sort of
material of clothing that isn’t bright red to outlaws. And we can’t waylay a
merchant and rob him of material because, for one thing, we are too
kind-hearted to rob, and for another, we can’t sew!”
They sat in gloomy silence. Then Will spoke up, “Hey, we
could save people that get lost in the forest or attacked by animals or drowned
in rivers!”
“That’s a capital idea!” exclaimed Bacon Hood delightedly.
“We’d be really good at that! We are brave and kind-hearted and every good
rescuer needs both of those in order to be a good rescuer. And there are a lot
of people that need saving!”
“Especially P.B. and Jay, commented Little Chop. “I believe
that they got themselves into a fix at least 15 times last week.”
And so that is what they did. After saving P.B. and Jay
another hundred times, they finally decided to be friends…. But that is another
story.
THE END