Carrying on

"Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking 
But I stay strong and I hold on 
Cause I know... 
I will see you again, 
This is not where it ends.
I will carry you with me,

Till I see you again."

He's gone again... and now my world is a little less bright, a bit sadder, and life is harder.  It hurts and everything feels empty without him here.  It hits me most in the moments when I want to rest against him, or when I pray the rosary on the way home from the airport and find myself pausing to let him continue on with the response, or when I half expect him to come walking into the room.

It's hard not to cry, and I do sometimes, but then I comfort myself be replaying every minute of our visit.  I look through the pictures we took together and smile at the memories that they bring back.  I remember how his arms felt around me and how his kiss felt on my forehead.  I'm not going to deny that if I need to, I'm going to wrap myself in one of the scarves that he gave me, no matter how hot and humid it is.  And it helps.

We will see each other again soon, I know that.  We have done this before, and we can do it again.  It will be two years this week... it is so hard to believe that it has been this long already.  Time has flown by, and that is a comfort as well.  Because I know then that even when it feels like forever, time is still passing by and each day is one day closer to when I can see him again.   "It's only a passing thing, this shadow.  A new day will come, and when it does the sun will shine out all the clearer."

It is hard, so very hard... but he is worth it. And I will see him again soon.