July 29, 2008

Next stop, Tortuga!

Good mornin' luv. For today I am going to give you a piece of literary artwork that I have stumbled across in me travels. Though since I am the one who wrote it, it can't really be called artwork, because artwork is never called artwork by those who wrote it unless those who wrote, and quite obviously wrote it, wrote it in order for it to be artwork. (My pathetic attempt at talking like Jack.)
So without further ado...

A little somethin' I wrote for writing class.

“What port we puttin’ into next, Bill?”

“Not sure, Jim, but Ah’ve ‘eard that the Cap’n’s thinkin’ about landin’ some where’s on Jamaica. Prob’ly to drop off this pirate ‘ere. ‘Ello there mate. Come to drop off some food for you, though tis more ‘n the likes o’ you deserve.”

“My appreciation mate. Now I overheard that this fine little boat, sorry, ship, might be heading towards a pretty little place called Jamaica. Am I right?”

“We’re not sure. An’ if we did know, we wouldn’t be tellin’ it to you.”

“To a pirate, you mean. Well I’m sorry you feel that way mates, could’ve helped you out a bit.”

“What do mean?” the two asked together.

“Well, for example, I just happen to know,” offered the pirate, “that your bonny Cap’n whatshisface is afraid…”

“Our Cap’n Smith ain’t afraid of nothing, ain’t that right Bill?’”

“My apologies, I’m sure he’s not, gentlemen. But then how is it that he is hesitating at making port in Jamaica? Because he has heard that England re-gained control over the island? Because the reigning bonny monarch has threatened to punish anyone connected to a certain power called, oh what was it? Ah yes, the East India Trading Company?”

“The Indian Star ain’t connected to any East India Trading Company, right Jim?”

“That’s right. Never even ‘eard o’ the thing.”

“What!” exclaimed the pirate, “Never heard of the company that had nearly taken over the Caribbean before the bonny British Navy caught up with it? Where have you been the past ten years mates? Shanghai?”

“Well, I suppose I ‘ave ‘eard o’ it,” admitted Jim.

“I thought you might have. And I am correct in saying that your ship is connected in some way with the bloody EIC?”

“It is not,” Bill retorted.

“Fine, your captain is then, right? And most of her crew?”

“The crew ain’t,” replied Jim.

“But your captain is?”

“Now see ‘ere,” interrupted Bill, “why do you want to now this any ‘ow? An’ what’s your name?”

“You don’t know it? Too bad mate. Now be quiet if you please, I was in the middle of a conversation with this gentleman over here with the splendiferous tattoos,” returned the pirate. “Now, as you were saying, the captain is connected?”

“Well, I don’t know much as it is, I only joined a year ago, but I do thinks that the Cap’n might be sailin’ under some kind of orders.” Jim replied hesitantly.

“Thank you for verifying that. Now, I have thought of an alternative port, if you think that your captain would be interested in hearing about it.”

“Now see ‘ere,” said Bill angrily, “I don’t know what you’re up to, but our Cap’n ain’t interested in anything a pirate like you might suggest.”

“Do you want to save your bloody neck?”


“Hmph. If your bally ship, the Indiana Tar or what ever it is, sails into one of those ports on Jamaica, your bonny captain and all his crew will be imprisoned or hanged for treason to the crown, savvy?”


“I thought you’d see my point. Now have either of you ever heard of Tortuga?”

“Tortuga? Where’s that?”

“Never ‘eard of it.”

“Oh good. Anyhow, you convince your Cap’n, Slipp wasn’t it? Smith? Well, get your Cap’n Smith to make port in Tortuga, the only port left that the British don’t occupy by the way, and then him, you and the rest of the bloody crew can get off free, savvy?”

The two crewmen glanced at each other. “Savvy,” they replied, and dashed off up the stairs.

The pirate chuckled as he leaned back. “Well mate,” he said to himself. “Next stop, Tortuga and freedom!”

The End!

~ Captain Fox Turner


  1. cool piece of fiction. Can't wait to see more pirate week.

  2. Cotton's ParrotJuly 30, 2008 at 11:56 AM


    You'll probably be mad at me, but I found an error ;-P

    (Dead men tell no tales)

    “What do mean?” the two asked together.


    “What do you mean?” the two asked together.

    (Pieces of Eight!)

    Thought you'd want to know, matey!
    (Wind in yer sails)


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